A friend told me about a concept called a “hate book”. It is a collection of letters, posts, imagined conversations, and the like that would be “inadvisable” to send or actually follow the script. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, it seems like an excellent way to put things in writing so that they’re not festering inside your head. It’s also a good way to work through issues since in order to put them into a readable format, you have to organize your thoughts, think about what you want to say, how you want to say it, and even why you want to say it. The darker side of the “hate book” is that it seems like an almost ideal way to maintain grudges, keep pain alive, and provide ammunition for later encounters. In other words, this tool provides an excuse not to forgive, not to heal, not to move on.

One could compare it to a blade, I suppose. It can be used to harm or to heal. It could provide a needed release or an entry point for poison. I guess the eventual use such a device is put to is entirely dependent upon the personality of the person employing it. I like to think of myself as a healer. I’ve often been told that that is one of my leading characteristics. As such, I’m much more likely to use a “hate book” for self-healing. And yet, I am human. I do have a vicious side, a cruel streak that would shock almost all of my friends if I ever lost control and let it loose. So would I actually use a “hate book” for healing? Or would I use it to justify whatever nasty action or actions I do? I don’t know.

Maybe if I change the name of it, I won’t be as tempted to let my darker side use it. Right now, I don’t actually hate anyone. In pain? Yes. Saddened? Yes. Disappointed? Absolutely. So what would I call it? “Pain Book” sounds like a BDSM manual. “Sad Book” sounds either like a depressive’s diary or a children’s book telling them it’s okay to cry. “Disappointment Book” is not only a ridiculously long a title, but also potentially inaccurate in the long run. Oh well. A name will come to me, or not; given to me, or not. Until the ideal name comes to me, I think I’ll just refer to it as my Book of Bad Ideas.

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