Bierce’s Trainer: more definitions

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I really enjoyed creating the last list of odd, unusual, hopefully humorous definitions for common words used in the fitness industry. I thought I’d do a few more.

Joint — a place where two bones meet, do something fun, and hopefully develop a strong relationship

Jumping Jacks — an exercise designed to get your heart-rate up and cause cramping in the unprepared calf

Transverse — the plane of motion where being twisted is a good thing

Muscle — If beauty is only skin deep, too much of this is grotesque

Sweat — natural pheromone-laden perfume

Injury — “Do it!” they said. “It’ll make you stronger!” they said. “It’ll make you faster!” they said. Now my body has to repair itself…and it doesn’t have the technology, only biology.

Back — A place often ignored in favor of the gilded front

Pushup — pushing the ground away while you keep your body rigid

Row — Make like you’re in a pretend boat on a pretend ocean in order to create real back-ward results

Jump — A function of weight and power to temporarily fly

Blood — a river in which oxygen, carbon dioxide, and other such friends go tubing

Stability — the characteristic of moving only when you want to, despite anything gravity and physics have to say

Aerobic — repeated rhythmic movements intended to invite oxygen to a fat-burning party

Personal Training — The field where physics and biology play

Lactate — Byproduct of exertion often derided as trash, but is actually treasured by the body (see Cori Cycle)

Cori Cycle — The process by which lactate becomes the platter for carrying food to muscles

I’m Back! (Kind of)

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It’s been a little more than three years since I last posted. I’m not going to become maudlin and vow to keep it up forever. I will, however, say that I will be posting more often than once every three years.

Why the three year hiatus? I’ve been trying my best to grow my client list for personal training. I am a good trainer, though far from “the best”. I often get assigned new clients deemed “difficult” for some reason.

Sometimes it’s prehab for “embarrassing” surgery in 3 months. Lots of personal trainers get clients who are preparing for knee surgery, or shoulder surgery, or even ankle and foot surgery. So far I’ve gotten prehab clients for hysterectomies, mastectomies, and lung cancer.

Occasionally it’s post-surgery, post-physical therapy. More and more, though, my niche seems to be coming down to a couple of notable demographics: those who are more than merely nervous about coming to a gym (whether from self consciousness, recent injury, bad previous experiences, etc.) and hidden or fringe sub-cultures (transgender, kink/BDSM, Leather, etc.).

I enjoy working with people in these niches. Coaching and watching a client become confident in the gym or gain at least partial mastery of their own body is a joy. The challenges of creating programs for those with uncommon needs feeds my hunger for continuing education, analytical thinking, and creative application of otherwise common knowledge.

The downside of working with people in these niches is finding them. I’m awful at marketing and sales to begin with. I’ve always respected “no”. Trying to convince someone to purchase sessions with me beyond the initial resistance feels a lot like the sales and marketing version of date rape. It just doesn’t sit well with me. Marketing to these niches who tend to take active steps to remain hidden is even harder. I still don’t have a full schedule.

After three years of trying to build my books, I’ve decided to get back to writing. This blog satisfies my need for unfocused pursuit of random thoughts. Another of my blogs I’m starting up again is more of a repository of a portion of my fantasy writings. I’m also getting back to writing larger pieces. I’ve picked up two books I’d put on hold. One is a sequel to one already written, the other is in a related genre, but tends to read as mainstream unless you read between the lines. I also have a list of short story ideas I’d like to start working my way through. There is also one larger piece that technically falls in the “book” category, but is non-fiction (a very new area for me).

I plan to continue posting on this blog, but it won’t be as frequent as it was while I was in school. I guarantee, however, that the topics will be just as random. I’m back (kind of) and hope to see all of you soon.