Bierce’s Trainer: more definitions

I really enjoyed creating the last list of odd, unusual, hopefully humorous definitions for common words used in the fitness industry. I thought I’d do a few more.

Joint — a place where two bones meet, do something fun, and hopefully develop a strong relationship

Jumping Jacks — an exercise designed to get your heart-rate up and cause cramping in the unprepared calf

Transverse — the plane of motion where being twisted is a good thing

Muscle — If beauty is only skin deep, too much of this is grotesque

Sweat — natural pheromone-laden perfume

Injury — “Do it!” they said. “It’ll make you stronger!” they said. “It’ll make you faster!” they said. Now my body has to repair itself…and it doesn’t have the technology, only biology.

Back — A place often ignored in favor of the gilded front

Pushup — pushing the ground away while you keep your body rigid

Row — Make like you’re in a pretend boat on a pretend ocean in order to create real back-ward results

Jump — A function of weight and power to temporarily fly

Blood — a river in which oxygen, carbon dioxide, and other such friends go tubing

Stability — the characteristic of moving only when you want to, despite anything gravity and physics have to say

Aerobic — repeated rhythmic movements intended to invite oxygen to a fat-burning party

Personal Training — The field where physics and biology play

Lactate — Byproduct of exertion often derided as trash, but is actually treasured by the body (see Cori Cycle)

Cori Cycle — The process by which lactate becomes the platter for carrying food to muscles

The English Language On Word Order Depends

Yesterday’s post was a rant about a teacher and textbook disguised as a rant about writing. One of my points involved grammar. I’m reblogging a post also concerned with lax grammar. Enjoy.

[Edit: By “Yesterday’s post” I mean “next Monday’s post“. *facepalm* It’s what I get for trying to write at least a post ahead of time.]

Live to Write - Write to Live

While I’m hiking The Long Trail, I’m reposting old favorites. This one originally published October 22, 2013.

The English language on word order depends.

If that sentence doesn’t convince you, try this:

Take the adverb “only” and place it in different positions in the following sentence.

He said, “I love you.” (Nice thought.)

Only he said, “I love you.” (No one else said it.)

He only said, “I love you.” (He said nothing else.)

He said, “Only I love you.” (No one else does.)

He said, “I love only you.” (He doesn’t love any one else.)

He said, “I love you only.” (His love is exclusive.)

In The Elements of Style, Strunk and White advise that “Modifiers should come, if possible, next to the word they modify.” When modifiers are misplaced, the result is always  ambiguity – and often hilarity as well. Consider this Classified Ad:…

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I’m Back

Maybe. We’ll see. I’ve been climbing that slippery slope again. Lots of stuff on my schedule. Currently back in school to get an Associates in Personal Fitness Training. I hope to add more posts as interest and energy pick up. Hopefully coherency, breadth, and depth will pick up as well.

Cat Wars: The Beast

This past weekend, I decided it was time to clean and do some minor rearrangement of my room. Knowing how the cats of the house feel about each other, I made sure the Downstairs Faction was locked up before opening my door and propping it open. Why open my door at all? I thought I’d give the cats an opportunity to leave the area for a while. Though the rearrangements I’d planned were minor, any change has the potential to freak a cat. Especially when I bring in the vacuum cleaner.

The vacuum cleaner is a Noise-some Beast. The elder of my two cats, Teazer (the one I refer to as the Mastermind), rarely shows the body language of fear. She’s cautious and tends to avoid any confrontation, but rarely actually fearful, much less terrified. Her first encounter with a vacuum cleaner went something like this:

Noise-some Beast: VROOOM!
Mastermind: *vanish* *reappear under the couch* *watch wide-eyed*
Noise-some Beast: *searches the room while roaring* *approaches couch* VROOOM!
Mastermind: *slips out the back and perches on the backrest* *glares*
Noise-some Beast: *searches a little longer, then slinks quietly off to sleep*

And that was it. She quickly learned that the vaccuum cleaner was no real threat, especially if she waited out its periodic incursions perched on a desk or bookshelf. She’s even gone up and sniffed at it while it was “sleeping in its den”.

The younger of my cats, Rika (the one I call the Might Huntress), is another matter. Judging from her body language, she likes to think of herself as an alpha-cat. Since Teazer tends to avoid confrontations, Rika is rarely given reason to doubt her alpha-status. Unfortunately for her, she is very skittish and frightens easily. Definitely not the temperament of an alpha. Her first encounter with the vacuum cleaner went very differently.

Mighty Huntress: *lounges indolently in the middle of the floor*
Noise-some Beast: *enters the room and pauses at the edge* VROOOM!
Might Huntress: *jumps up and flees to hide under the bed with a now empty bladder*
Noise-some Beast: *stops moving but continues to roar as Two-Legged Alpha cleans*
Mighty Huntress: *watches the Noise-some Beast from under the bed, panting and slicked down fur*
Noise-some Beast: *starts moving again*
Mighty Huntress: *voids bowels and crams herself into the far corner under the bed*
Noise-some Beast: *gives up and leaves*

Rika has since learned that turning the floor into a litter box is not necessary, though she still insists on hiding under the bed instead of getting on top of something.

Going Minimalist Today.

My major activity for today was going to the Blanton Museum of Art. Admission is free on Thursdays and parking is cheap. I did a write up of it for my museums and parks blog. http://wp.me/p2eejD-l

Wimp Out!

Sorry folks. Gonna wimp out today and simply post a link to the fiction blog I do (which DID update today).
Agents of Ellendahl: http://agentsofellendahl.wordpress.com/

For those who haven’t visited that blog, it’s an ongoing archive project of fantasy that updates about once a week. It’s also a “new” blog, and the initial story is novella/novellette length. That’s coming to a close in a few weeks. When that finishes, I’ll probably work on a couple of short stories or add to the world building pages. If you like fantasy, give it a look. The story is called Agent of the Dragon. I’d recommend reading it from the nav-bar rather than trying to dig through all the individual postings. Also check out the other links on the nav-bar. There’s some background stuff as well as basic world building pages.

Travelling Thoughts

Whenever I have a significant distance to travel, parts of my mind follows random tracks while the rest pays attention to the driving. Today provided one such opportunity as I drove home from Sherwood Forest Faire in central Texas. Here are some of the things that went through my head.

1. Happiness is a hand to hold, a cheek to brush, a laugh to share. It is the effort of the heart to connect with others to make life bearable. It is a thought of a smile soon to be enjoyed. It is tremor of terror when you let go and damn the consequences. Happiness is to be cherished, but never sought, for by seeking you are constantly reminded that you are not happy.

2. That woman was cute. Too bad we only ran into each other at the pub sing just before the faire closed. Where had she been all day? Oh well.

3. I feel like I’ve forgotten something. Oh yeah. My blog. Haven’t posted anything there for several days. *refrains from slapping his own hand while driving*

4. That bit on happiness was good. Profound. And ever so slightly pretentious. How should I present it? Turn it into a poem? No. My poetry is adequate, and people tend to skip over merely adequate poetry. So prose, then. Sermon? Hardly. Ah yes. Random thoughts.

5. What was her name? Never got a chance to use it.

6. Ouch. Legs sore. Feet sore. Back sore. Face pink. These are the true costs of going to a renfaire. Was it worth it? Yes. If only to prove to myself that past associations wouldn’t crush my heart. It came close a time or two, but I would go again…as long as I didn’t go alone. Ren Faires are no places to be alone in.

7. That happiness closer is really good. I wonder if I can actually apply it to my life. Here’s to trying….